A Doom Worse than Death
by Bishie no Miko
Summary: The Miko has too much homework and accidentally changes our favorite FY warriors into... um... pokemon. o_O Humor because it is to be laughed at, and PG-13 for language and high-level-pokemon violence Miko style (and you know me when it comes to violence
1. The Crisis Begins

Disclaimer: None of these characters are mine. I take no credit. THERE, all you freaks who actually watch for disclaimers can kiss my arse!! Now you can't sue me!! I AM BEYOND YOUR POWER!! WAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAA!!   
  
Let's get down to it.  
  
A DOOM WORSE THAN DEATH  
(Or, the madness that ensues when I have too much homework and need to take a break)  
  
  
It was just another day.   
  
Or was it?  
  
Tasuki of the Suzaku warriors was minding his own business, strolling alongside the cobbled road, dragging his feet a little since he had been pushing the sake again.  
  
Now, for some reason, the fanged bishonen wound up taking the long way back to the castle, which was an old dirt road lined with the tall, shimmering trees of the forest. As he walked along, warmed by the summer sun, he hummed to himself in his usual cheerful manner. Therefore, he wasn't really paying attention to where his feet landed, and he just so happened to trod over an old man who had fallen asleep against a tree trunk, stretching his legs across the road. Tasuki's weight on his calf was quite enough to wake him up. He screamed at the top of his lungs, making the birds in the area leap into the air, and Tasuki leap out of his skin.  
  
"AAAAAH!! SHOW YOUR FACE, YA SORRY SERYUU BASTARDS!! I'LL GET Y... oh, it's you, old man. Hell, don't do that," he sighed, putting his tessen back into its straps.  
  
"What?!" the old man replied, angry. "Young men should watch where they're going!! You probably broke my leg!!" He said, swinging it around to show him. He leapt up and bounced from one side of the road to the other and back again, looking down both ways as if straining to see a pin a mile away.   
  
"They could come any minute! Chasing me! Chasing me! I'll never escape if my leg is broken! Nooo, I'll never get away!" He howled in a desperate tone, assuming the fetal position and gripping his head with his hands.  
  
Tasuki squinted at him. He was an old man with wrinkled features and short gray hair. He wore a long, white, tattered coat, the kind the professors wore in Miaka's world, and he had a plaque with her language's letters engraved in it; Tasuki made out "OAK." He wore brown, ripped-up trousers, and had some sort of weird wallet-like device in one of his pockets. His eyes were darting back and forth quickly, and his whole disposition was shaking like mad. His whole appearance made Tasuki wonder whether or not the man was insane.  
  
"Hey, it ain't my fault you fell asleep in the middle of the road. If anything you're lucky; at least I'm not a cart..."  
  
Tasuki suddenly found the old man's eyes directly in his. The man inhaled deeply through his nose, making Tasuki back away from him in puzzlement, one eyebrow arched.   
  
"You're a drinker. Alcohol is in your breath, yeeeessss," the man said, circling him now, hunched down, scuttling low on his legs and craning his head up to view Tasuki from all angles.  
  
"What the hell're you..."  
  
"Heeheeheee, you're young and strong, too. Like I used to be! This will do nicely, yeeeessss. I'm going to use you for my revenge!!"  
  
Tasuki did quite plainly understand the word 'revenge.' "What are you trying to pull, old man? What are you talking about? You don't seem like you'd be sent by Seryuu... then again, they send all sorts of stuff..."  
  
He was getting annoyed now, and the crazy old man pulled out his little wallet device and started pushing buttons on it.   
  
"Whaddaya think you're doin' now..."  
  
Suddenly, the little square glowed a brilliant white light and forced Tasuki to cover his eyes. From a birds-eye view, a blanket of light spanned across the world, spreading like a ring of smoke around the earth.   
  
Finally, it died down. Tasuki uncovered his eyes, and only heard the old man's monologue:  
  
"WAAAHAHAHAHAA!! Finally, someone else shall feel it's wrath; I will not be alone!! Everyone I met, everyone I saw, was infected with it like it was some sort of virus... And now, you will be me!!   
  
NOW, IT BEGINS IN THIS WORL D AS WELL!! ALL YOU KNOW, ALL YOU HOLD CLOSE... YOU WILL ALL FEEL MY CURSE!!"   
  
And, laughing in a pitch far too high to be normal, the voice faded away.  
  
Tasuki blinked a few times. What had just happened? That was a bit too weird to feel okay about. Maybe it was the sake.  
  
But suddenly, he felt a little... odd.  
  
He scratched the back of his neck in puzzlement. But to his shock, he felt no hair there.   
  
"Charmanchar?"  
  
He almost screamed. What the f***?! He had wanted to say "what the hell!" What was going on?!  
  
He looked at his hands. Again, he nearly screamed. His hands weren't his hands, but two claws, attached to what weren't his arms, but orange, chubby limbs. He looked down at his body... or rather, what used to be his body. Yellowish skin covered his stomach, and the rest of his body was covered in orange scales. He wagged his tail in his panic... wait a minute. TAIL?!?  
  
That was too much. Hollering "CHARMANDERCHARMANCHAR!!!" over and over again (which is untranslatable due to the mere PG-13 rating), he waddled as quickly as he could to the nearest pond. He saw a little orange lizard's body, with a long tail that was aflame at the end. Big black eyes stared back at him in the reflection.  
  
"CHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA **gasp!** AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRR!!!"  
  
Suddenly, there was a brilliant flash, and Tasuki spun to face it. To his shock, he could make out a figure, stepping out of the light... and once the blare had disappeared, he saw that it was a woman, standing right in front of him.  
  
  
********  



	2. Meet the Author

She was obviously not from his world, so he figured she was from Miaka's world... but must be from a VERY different culture. She was dressed in a skin-tight, silver leather top, which covered only one shoulder, arm, and even gloved her hand. Everything else she wore was black: black leather pants, black leather boots, and a black leather jacket, unworn and hanging on her shoulders. Her bare arm showed she trained physically. She had shimmering brown hair cut to stop just below her chin, bangless and parted to the right side. Accessories included blood red lipstick and sunglasses hiding her eyes.   
  
She took one look at him and lowered her sunglasses, revealing very wide, surprised, and upset... but also amused... hazel eyes. Her red lips parted to speak.  
  
"Aw, shit. I knew something like this would happen. Sorry about this, Tasuki."  
  
He blinked. "Charma..." **shit, I can't say anything but sounds in some weird word, for some reason!**  
  
"Go ahead and talk. I can understand you, trust me."  
  
Tasuki figured anything was possible, since he was a lizard and a girl just materialized in front of him. He spoke, knowing what he was saying, but unable to say it without it coming out in three syllables. The first words he spoke were supposed to be,  
  
"How do you know my name?"  
  
She nodded, taking the words in. But nothing prepared him for what she would say next, or the slightly evil tone she said it in:  
  
"I'm an author, Tasuki."   
  
He shuddered, fear and awe holding siege his mind. But this was overcome by a sudden fury.   
  
"YOU!!" he hollered, ignoring the fact that it came out 'DAR.' "YOU did this to me, you bitch!!"  
  
She sighed. "I know. I'm sorry, Tasuki, my mind wandered while I was doing homework... I realized what was going on and came here as soon as I could. I had intended to stop Professor Oak, but I was too late. You've become a Charmander."   
  
Suddenly, her entire mood changed. She clasped her hands together and spoke like she was fawning over a cute puppy. "Actually, it's kind of fitting. Look, you even have a tuft of your hair on your head! It leaves a personal touch. You're a lot cuter than other Charmander..."  
  
Tasuki was almost hyperventilating. "What the HELL IS this?!? Why are YOU here?! What the HELL is a Charmander?!?" he hollered. "What kind of sick crossover IS this?!?"  
  
The author grew serious again. "It's Fushigi Yuugi... with Pokemon," she said, and shuddered at the word.   
  
He blinked. "Pokemon?"  
  
She nodded. "The most popular anime in the US right now. My little sister is unfortunately a Pokemaniac, affecting me. The other night I thought, 'If Tasuki was a Pokemon, what would he be?' while doing my homework. I laughed and started matching the other seishi with other pokemon, and..." she looked him up and down. "This happened. You are now the first stage of the most powerful fire/flying type Pokemon there is. Sorry about this."  
  
"Chaaaaaaahhh?!?!" Sorry? Would he be stuck like this forever?!  
  
"But..." he stuttered. "You can change me back, can't you? You're an author! You've got all sorts of powers. Why can't you fix me?!"  
  
Her eyes widened in realization, and she put her hand on her chin. "I suppose I could now, couldn't I..."  
  
Tasuki smiled. Yes! She would fix him! This must be one of those rare nice authors that he had heard of! Damn, was he lucky!  
  
...But she suddenly smiled. This frightened him; it was a half-smile, her blood red lips twisted up to the right, irradiating the mischief brewing in her mind.   
  
"Chaaa..." he managed in worry.  
  
"I can't," she said simply.  
  
"...WHAT?! Why not?? You have the power! Yes you can, dammit!!"  
  
"... I know, but..." she looked at him, and then suddenly grinned, chibified. "You're just too cute!!"  
  
He fell hard on the ground.  
  
"N... NANI?!?"  
  
She smiled, and bent down on her haunches to meet his eye level. "I'm sorry, Tasuki, but the reason I can't is because I've been inspired upon seeing you like this. Plus, what would happen to my reputation if I just stopped here? Lots of people out there would be disappointed."  
  
"But... But... But..."  
  
"Besides..." She stood up, her eyes glittering. "We've only seen you. What else has this mind of mine thought up? I wonder what the others are!"  
  
He frowned. "But... you're the author. Shouldn't you know?"  
  
She sweatdropped. "Usually I would, but... this one is weird. This time, my mischievous side worked completely on its own, created this fic's foundations, and then came back to the rest of me, which it had abandoned during math. It rebonded and I found out what I had done."   
  
She sighed. "I was disgusted with myself, for tainting the Fushigi Yuugi reality with the likes of Pokemon, so I came here to try and stop it."  
  
Tasuki frowned even more. It made no sense, then! He had to talk her out of this! "Then why don't you get rid of the Pokemon crap now?! Eh? You just said you hated Pokemon! Come on!"  
  
She looked up again and smiled. "Oh, yes, but not the manga. The manga's amusing enough. And the game isn't that bad, either. It's the anime and the overall obsession that I hate.  
  
**...I don't get her at all,** Tasuki thought.  
  
She kept talking. "I gotta see more of this!! I can't wait!! Ooh, what is everyone? Imagine the possibilities. What did I settle on, I wonder? What pattern of thinking did I use in choosing... Tasuki's a fire-type, so maybe the others match that logic..."  
  
Tasuki was speechless. He just stared at her... this author talking to herself more than he. He didn't know what to think. Was she completely insane?   
  
"C... Come on, you're not serious, are you? W... why can't you make everyone play truth or dare, or turn yourself into the next priestess, or... or... or make me gay or something! Dammit, at least I'm USED to authors doing that!!" he hollered, upset. ANYTHING was better than this, even yaoi...   
  
She smiled evilly down on him. "Oh, I already have, Gen-chan! Don't worry, lots of those to go around! Sorry, but in this fic, you're straight as an arrow!"  
  
He groaned. There was no talking her out of it. There never was when it came to authors. There may be a few out there who actually helped characters, or make their lives better... but most of them were just plain crazy. He was dealing with one of those.  
  
She seemed to sense his withdraw, as well as his misery, and got down on her haunches to be eye level with him. She smiled, her forest eyes offering apology, and he scowled back, furious. How she reacted to that, he couldn't read... she seemed genuinely hurt at his hatred, as her face fell. He didn't give a damn, though... how dare she screw with his life like this! Turning him into this... this Charmander or whatever it was!!  
  
"Tell you what, Tasuki: I'll make a deal with you."  
  
He blinked. Eh?   
  
"Let me have my fun. I want to see what everyone has become, and I want to play around a little to see what can happen. When it's all over, I'll think of a way to change you back, and then wipe your memory clean. You won't remember a thing. Can you live with that?"  
  
An author was asking consent of the character? What kind of author WAS she, anyway? Nice? Cruel? COMPLETELY crazy? She'd been nothing but fickle since he first saw her.  
  
A question had been asked. He saw no reason to answer it.  
  
"Bitch," he said. "You don't have to ask me. You can do whatever you want, can't you?"  
  
"Yes, of course I can," she said plainly. "I just don't want you to worry about being stuck like this. I don't want you to hate me; I love you guys!" she said, chibi, squeezing him in a hug. Tasuki was already shocked that an author was talking to him at all; to be touched by one, HUGGED by one, was just plain weird. For some reason he hadn't expected her to be flesh and blood. She kept on going.   
  
"So don't worry! It'll be all right. Just deal with it for now. Besides," she smirked. "There's no way I'm leaving without finding out what my evil mind has done to Nakago."  



	3. Tasuki in Panic; The Situation is Worse

Tasuki blinked.  
  
"Nakago?"  
  
She looked and sounded plain evil now. "Absolutely! 'All you know, all you hold close,' That's what Oak said, right? You know the Seryuu! That means they're pokemon too." She grinned at him. "I'll make sure you know enough about your own species to get along. I trust I did my job well! If I know me, I did something great. I love my work," she stated in conclusion. She snapped her fingers.  
  
Tasuki suddenly knew. Everything. All his strengths and weaknesses, all his powers, all his evolutions...  
  
"That should do it for you, Gen-chan."  
  
Now he found himself curious. Good god, only five minutes with an author and he was already thinking like them!   
  
He "charrr"ed in surrender. He had no choice. And he was growing more and more curious as to what everyone had become, too...  
  
"Let's go. I wanna get this over with."  
  
"GREAT!" she shouted, and hugged him again. "This won't be too bad, I don't think. Don't forget your tessen, here, I'll help it on you." she walked over to his clothes, fished out the tessen, and strapped it around his new Charmander body. It made him a lot more comfortable, feeling the familiar weapon rest against his back.  
  
She rose, and was about to march in the direction of the castle when he stopped her.  
  
"Wait, why are we walking? It's still a long way. Can't we just zap there or something?"  
  
"Yup, but I wanna walk. It's not every day I go into my own fanfiction! And I wanna spend extra time with you, even if you aren't your normal sexy self right now. And you need to get used to your new body, in case I decide to heat things up and you need to fight. I might have you evolve..."  
  
He groaned as they walked. How long was she going to ramble on like this? He was getting interested in all these powers he was supposed to have. Quickly, he turned around and took a deep breath. He could sense her eyes on him as he suddenly breathed a fireball at his will.  
  
This startled the bejeezus out of him. "CHAAARR!!" he shouted, and stumbled backwards. She laughed.  
  
"I KNEW you wouldn't be able to resist, once you knew what you could do!"  
  
She paused.   
  
This made Tasuki very, very nervous. Since she was the author of this fanfic, every thought she had became a reality. Even if she dismissed it as a bad idea... even if it WAS a bad idea and she desperately tried to take it back... the foundations of it were laid. It would happen, one way or another.  
  
She knew it, too. Apparently, she had had a bad idea, since her first word after the pause was,   
  
"Shit."   
  
"WHAT?! WHAT THE F*** DID YOU DO?!" He hollered, panicked.   
  
"Um, you'll be fighting, all right. Versus the Seryuu."  
  
Tasuki REALLY frowned now. "NANI?!?!"  
  
"Nobody'll DIE or anything," she said quickly. "It's just a fight. But I am determined NOT to let the Suzaku have a surefire win. That'd be too boring."  
  
"..."  
  
"What's wrong? You gotta admit, that would be a sucky battle, if I just let the good guys walk away with victory."  
  
"... I hate authors," Tasuki grumbled. "Don't you care about us at all?"  
  
"Recall the tone of the 'shit.' Was it an upset, regretful 'shit' or an amused and entertained 'shit?' 'Shit' can mean many, many things. You of all people know that. I was entertained at the thought."  
  
"... I guess not," he grumbled. He began mumbling curses under his breath with each step, until she stopped walking and spun to face him.  
  
"Since it would take too long, and since this is my fanfic, I'm simply going to cheat and train you Matrix style."  
  
He stared at her, blank. "Eh?"  
  
She walked up to him, and he almost cowered. But he stood his ground, not one to show fear. She stuck her index and middle finger onto his forehead, and closed her eyes. He inadvertently closed his own when he felt a sudden rush of power and information. He backed away, stunned, when it was all over.  
  
"Wh.. what was that?!"  
  
"That, my bishonen, was about 35 hours worth of gameplay in seven seconds. You're level... oh... 80."  
  
Whoa. "Damn! You're serious? Then why didn't I turn into that kickass dragon thing?"  
  
"Charizard? Oh, that'd be because I like the idea that Pokemon can only evolve in the heat of things or stuff like that, not on any brick level like in the game. I think that's the way it is in the manga, but I'm not sure... anyway, since I'm not going by the game rules and following the manga more, you also know more than just four moves, and..."  
  
"Never mind! I don't care!" he hollered. "God, you talk a lot!"  
  
"Back off, I don't talk as much as SOME authors."  
  
"I doubt it," he growled. A thought struck him. "Hey, what author are you, anyway? I can't just call you 'author' all the time."  
  
She was surprised, and looked down at him. He couldn't read her expression... she was too weird for that. She seemed kind of happy, but also curious... maybe she wondered why he asked, or how he'd react.  
  
"I'm Bishonen no Miko."  
  
Silence for a moment. Then...   
  
"BISHONEN NO MIKO?!?!" he yelped.  
  
She gave her half-smile. "My reputation precedes me?"  
  
He was dealing with a very, very, very, risky, author. "Y... You're Bishonen no Miko? I've heard about you! You're that author that..."  
  
"Yes?" she said sweetly, bending over towards him. He backed away in fear, and pointed an accusing finger at her.  
  
"YOU'RE going to have to rate MORE than one of your chapters in that 'What If' Dragon Ball Z fanfic of yours NC-17 because of violence ALONE!!"   
  
She smirked. "It would have been for language, too, but you can't really curse when your intestines are being ea..."  
  
"SHUT UP!! What is this fanfic rated?! TELL ME NOW!!"  
  
"PG-13 for language."  
  
An immediate flood of relief cooled Tasuki's raging blood.   
  
"Hey, at least I don't write sex, thank you. I've never written anything beyond before and after, and never will."  
  
He sighed, and they began walking again. "That's the ONLY thing you don't do."  
  
Bishonen no Miko' eyes trailed up, thinking for something else she didn't do in her fanfiction as they walked. After ten or so seconds, she chirped, "I haven't done any Piccolo/Gohan fanfiction!!"  
  
"I mean in general."  
  
"Oh." She frowned and started thinking again. A minute later, she spoke.   
  
"I haven't done any threesomes!!"  
  
"That falls under sex."  
  
"Dammit," she mumbled, and kept thinking. Finally, she came up with something.  
  
"I haven't written any romantic crossovers! No DBZ gang with the Sailor Senshi, no Gundam boys in love with Rayearth girls. THERE!" she shouted in triumph. "Take THAT!"  
  
"You're way too enthusiastic about this stuff," Tasuki sighed. Something else was bugging him. If this was the Miko... "Hey, I've got another question."  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"Who the hell do you really think I should be with? You've matched me with Nuriko, Chichiri, Kouji, and random women I kidnap in bandit raids! WILL YOU STOP BEING SO GODDAMN FICKLE AND STICK TO ONE PERSON AND ONE SEXUAL PREFERENCE SO I DON'T GO COMPLETELY INSANE?!?"  
  
She grinned. "That'd be no fun, Gen-chan. Besides, the one person I think you should truly be with is me. How can I do that when I hate SSI so much?"  
  
He blinked. Of course; this was Bishonen no Miko, one of the authors who constantly tortured her most beloved characters, physically and mentally. If that was the case, then she REALLY liked him, and turning him into a Charmander proved it.  
  
Not to mention the fact that she was THE infamous Bishonen fangirl...  
  
"Oh," She suddenly said, "You don't have to call me "Bishonen no Miko" all the time, 'kay? Just call me The Miko. I override Miaka, got it?"  
  
He could sense some animosity when the name "Miaka" came into play, but he put that aside for later because she suddenly said "Chichiri."  
  
"Eh?"  
  
"Chichiri is the true answer to your question, baka!" She said, grinning.  
  
Suddenly, humongous stars started shining in her chibi eyes, a wide, content smile broke across her face, and her hands, clenched together, rose to the side of her head, making him almost throw up.   
  
Thank God it had already been determined he was straight in this fic, because she was definitely thinking the opposite right now...  
  
Damn authors. When the hell would they get to the palace...  



	4. The Warriors' New Bodies

**AUTHOR NOTE: I apologize ahead of time for the incredible amount of me blabbing there is going to be in this chapter. Tasuki'll shut me up if things get too bad. I just feel like sharing my logic with everyone in choosing who was who... after all, Bishonen no Miko IS me, and she acts like me in the fanfic. I'll be a lot quieter after this chapter. Promise. Gomen!**  
  
Ten minutes later, they arrived at their destination. They got no trouble from any guards; Tasuki figured it was Miko' doing. They made their way into the palace, and the Miko told him they'd find them all in the throne room, "discussing the crisis at hand" as Hotohori suggested. She would make them invisible for a moment, since she wanted to get a look at everything first. He sighed and waddled along beside her into the room, and she opened the door for them. What he saw made him stare, while Bishonen no Miko looked as if she would burst out laughing at any second.  
  
Inside the room were eight creatures. Their words had changed to limited sounds, but Tasuki and Miko could both understand them perfectly; the only thing Miko had to do for him was tell him who was who.   
  
Mitsukake had become a golem. She figured she chose it because of size, since there were no real healing pokemon. Golems were solid and strong, but gentle in nature... just like Mitsukake. Also, Miko didn't really care about golems... which pretty much matched her feelings for Mitsukake, at least most of the time. She didn't share that with Tas the Charmander, though.  
  
Chiriko was an abra. "That makes sense," she said. "Abras are the first stage of the most intelligent pokemon out there. We'll be able to talk to him through telekinesis easy enough. I might evolve him, but then that'd take away from the small and cute factor, which is probably another reason I chose Abra for Chiriko..."  
  
Charmander eyed her to shut up, so she did with a quick "gomen."  
  
Chichiri was slinking around as a ditto. After the initial smile, She dwelled on that one for a moment, thinking it might have been better to turn him into something that used powerful magic, like a Clefairy... but she wouldn't doubt herself. It was cute, like him... and it DID make sense. She'd have to ask him to do the Nakago impression for her.  
  
At the sight of Nuriko, she almost burst out laughing. A blastoise! She must have gone by strength alone in that judgment... there was nothing pretty about the giant turtle stomping around in anger and frustration.  
  
Hotohori was a vaporeon. Beautiful, powerful... often mistaken for being feminine. That made perfect sense. No argument for herself there.  
  
Tamahome was running around as a Meowth. She giggled.  
  
"Cha?" Tasuki asked, wondering what was so funny.  
  
"Nothin, I guess I just gave up on matching him in any way other than his love for money. Too bad... he won't be that useful."  
  
"...mander."  
  
"Don't give me that, even I'm not perfect. Two left..."  
  
"Which one's Miaka?" he asked.  
  
"Um..." Miko scanned the last two. One, a bulbasaur, was looking around like crazy as if trying to find something... while the other, a Chansey, seemed to be near panic, looking around with a confused look on its face.  
  
"I can guess," she said.  
  
"Dar?"  
  
"Let's see, a pokemon that's ridiculously hard to kill, only has one purpose, and for some powerful reason, EVERYBODY loves it. I think Miaka's the Chansey. Plus, I love bulbasaur too much to turn Miaka into one."   
  
"...then who's the bulb thingie?"  
  
She grinned. "Let's not be invisible, eh?"  
  
Tasuki blinked, but suddenly, he heard a very, very loud "BULBBAAAA!!!" in his direction. His mind automatically translated it for him: "GENROUUUU!!!"  
  
He blinked. "K... Kouji?!"  
  
"It happened to you too?!" The bulbasaur bounded over to him, rose to its hind legs, and the Charmander and Bulbasaur started doin' the Genrou/Kouji dance.   
  
The Miko almost died; she was witnessing the dance! She couldn't believe it!! Of course, they weren't their normal sexy selves, but it was the next best thing!!  
  
"How'd you get here, buddy?!" Tasuki shouted, hugging him as best he could with his short arms.  
  
"I have absolutely no idea!!" Kouji replied.  
  
"I brought him here," Miko said, recovering. "Of course I did. Good job, me. There's no way I'd pass up Kouji. Bulbasaur, one of my favorites, cute, charming, and powerful. I used the same logic with you as I did Tasuki!! Of course, you don't have a type like he does, but that's okay, since Bulbasaur's strength isn't type-based anyway..."  
  
"What's with the broad with the mouth?" Koji whispered.  
  
"Um, allow me to introduce..."  
  
"Tasuki!! We were looking for you no da!" the ditto yelled, and oozed over to the Charmander. "What's happened, no da? What happened to our bodies?! I tried tracing the Seryuu to see if they had anything to do with it, but it wasn't them no da!!"  
  
"No, it wasn't... in fact, they've got the same problem we do," Tasuki groaned.  
  
"Please explain," Hotohori the Vaporeon begged. "We need to get to the bottom of this. We're very vulnerable in this... this... current state."  
  
"Oh no you're not," Miko said. "Not once I'm done with you."  
  
"Tasuki, who's the woman?! Is THIS why you're late?" the Meowth, Tamahome, asked.  
  
"Yeah, Tasuki. You're picking up chicks easier as a lizard, it seems," Kouji joked.  
  
"This is no time for romance, no da! We've got a crisis here!" Chichiri yelled.  
  
The Miko blushed like hell. "R... romance? M... me and Tasuki...?"  
  
**Uh Oh.** "Hey, shut up!! This is no ordinary woman!! She's the one BEHIND all this!!" Tasuki shouted, worried Miko was thinking again.  
  
"W... what? This young woman did... THIS to the seven warriors of Suzaku??" Mitsukake the Golem said, incredulous.  
  
"Hmph," Miko said. "It's not that hard when you're an author."  
  
Utter, dead, silence.  
  
"Ch.. ch... CHANSEYCHAN?!?!" Miaka hollered, chibi and backing against the wall.  
  
"Not just any author," Tasuki said, eyeing her. "This is Bishonen no Miko."  
  
If it can get quieter than utter, dead, silence, then that's the needed description. It stayed that way until Kouji, Tamahome, and Chichiri gulped, and Miaka gave a dismal, frightened cry/whimper and did her best to disappear.  
  
"Wh... what is the rating of this fanfiction?" Chiriko thought, shaky.  
  
"H... hey, Genrou..." Kouji stammered. "Y... you think we're safe? She didn't... do anything to you... did she?"  
  
"She hugged me, but we were chibi. She said this is a crossover humor fic, and it's rated PG-13 for language. And if she hasn't done anything to me, then the rest of you are safe."  
  
A breath of relief from all the bishies. Miaka still looked terrified.  
  
"So... what's going on? What's she on this time?" Nuriko the Blastoise asked.  
  
"I'm NOT on anything! Blame school!" Bishonen no Miko said, exasperated.  
  
"Can you fix us, Miko-sama?" Hotohori asked.  
  
"Not until I've had my fun," She said, giving her sly half-smile. Hotohori frowned.  
  
"Speaking of which... they should be arriving any time now," she said, like a mad scientist standing over a creation about to come to life.  
  
"...Who?" Miaka asked.  
  
Miko grinned. "The Seryuu."  
  
"WHAT?! You'll allow the Seryuu to enter the Conan palace?!" Hotohori yelled, panicked. Miaka was now convinced she was dead.  
  
"There's nothing you can do about it, now, is there? Besides, people have done a lot worse. You're only yelling at me because I'm here. If I wasn't, then it'd be a complete surprise, and you still wouldn't know this is a fanfiction. Plus," she grinned. "You wouldn't be prepared."  



	5. The Rest Arrive!

Note to certain reviewer: They all look exactly like their assigned pokèmon, only: Tasuki has a tuft of his hair, Kouji has a scar down his face, and Mitsukake's wearing that funky bandana o' his (can you see that? A golem wearing a bandana? Kawaii!). No one else is special. I mean, how do you make a pink blobbie thingie look like Chichiri? _ Besides, Vaporeon already looks elaborate enough for Hotohori, don't you think? I'll say in context if anyone has any special traits on the Seryuu side.  
  
Well, it's been half a year, and I'm baaaaaaaack... and I'll sum up why in a prologue-like device!!  
  
*~*~*~*author world*~*~*~*  
  
Nameless Author in the Shadows 1: ...but... but!!...  
  
Nameless Author in the Shadows 2: Keep going.   
  
NAitS1: ...BUT!!!  
  
NAitS2: I said do it. NOW. I want to see what you've done to my Seryuu.  
  
NAitS1: ...But...   
  
NAitS2: WHAT?!  
  
NAitS1: Well, when I wrote this, I was really hyper about, uh, everything FY...But I've become so much more... ah... twisted and perverted and yaoi-loving and pro Tasuki/Chichiri and pokèmon-obsessed and Miaka hating and Yui annoyed and...  
  
NAitS2: I DON'T CARE!! CONTINUE, DANG IT!! **yes, she actually says "dang"**  
  
NAitS1: ...*sigh* Okaaaaayyy... I can't remember the format, so I'll have to read everything again... and I'll have to eventually re-vamp the other chapters to fit the new audience aim...  
  
NAitS2: You never know, you might not. Most of the readers like it, they just don't like to admit it.  
  
NAitS1: Oh yeah...  
  
** NAitS1&2 look at minna, then look at each other** ...HUMANS. **roll eyes**  
  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
CHAPTER FIVE: The Rest Arrive!   
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
  
Tasuki looked up at Miko, expecting her to explain her definition of "prepared," and he blinked.  
  
"Uh... Miko?"  
  
"Yes?"  
  
He blinked again. "Has something... uh... did you change just now?"  
  
"No. Why?"  
  
"No reason," he said, but he couldn't help but swear that her hair was a little longer, and also lighter from the sunlight... and her body seemed a lot more muscular, as if a half-year's worth of training suddenly paid off.  
  
Plus, she was acting strange... like she was having trouble remembering things. Suddenly, he heard her mumble:  
  
"Goddamn third-person limited."  
  
"Char?"  
  
Miko blinked, and looked down at him. "Oh... I, uh, it's a format thing. Never mind."  
  
Tasuki sighed a tired sigh. He would never understand authors.  
  
He then noticed Hotohori blinking, as if coming out of a phase-out.   
  
"Prepared?" Hotohori said quickly, as if he couldn't remember how long he had delayed replying.   
  
"Exactly," Miko said, jumping in again. "You're damn lucky, too. GOD, I wish I could do this in the game!! Since it's more than one person, I'll have to do this the hard way... but oh well. Can't be helped."   
  
With that, she rose her arms slowly, as if to push someone away. As he and the others stared at her, she spread her fingers apart, palms out, and closed her eyes softly as if entering a trance. Both hands began to glisten slightly, and then (to his surprise) there was an explosion of green and red as a shimmering aura engulfed her hands. He jumped back a little, partly in shock, but partly so he didn't have to strain his neck so terribly to see; the brilliant coat of light lingered on her palms for a moment, and then it spread down her arms and across her torso, like layers of melting wax gliding down a candle. Soon her entire body was calmly glowing in the mischievous green hue of her inner spirit, powerful flames of red spurting from her body every which way and little bursts of white and violet hinting their existence.   
  
*~*~*~*~*  
  
**suddenly, two chibi authors bounce into the scene, a la "Pretty Lina" from Slayers**  
  
NAitS1&2: FUN FAAAACT!!  
  
**NAitS1 jumps up on the screen and pulls down a frozen projection of the current scene.**  
  
NAitS1: The above description of that aura shows Miko's true colors. Literally!  
  
**NAitS2 walks in front of projection with a teacher-stick-pointer-thing**  
  
NAitS2: We two particular Nameless Authors prefer the kind of aura that's based on your inner soul, not on your birth-time or zodiac or anything like that.   
  
NAitS1: After all, it's personality that counts!  
  
**NAitS2 points her stick at Miko's projection**  
  
NAitS2: As we see it, everyone has four elements: your main element, your sub-element, and two undercurrents. Miko's main is wind...   
  
**she slaps the green parts of the projection with her stick. 1 twitches a bit, and rubs her stomach.**   
  
...and her sub is fire *she slaps the red. 1 winces and holds her shoulder.*. Her two undercurrents are spirit and shadow *slap! white, slap! violet. NaitS1 blinks, then glowers at 2.*.   
  
NAitS1: Are you using the voodoo stick?  
  
NAitS2: Huh? No. Why?  
  
NAitS1: No reason... **eyes the stick**  
  
NAitS2: Well? Come on, your line.  
  
**1 eyes 2, 2 starts whistling, and as soon as 1 looks away, 2 gets an evil grin on her face**   
  
NAitS1: If you're interested, check out the fanfic-ish thing that we'll be writing together! It explains the whole deal, with examples! ((I need 2 to do it with me, because she taught it all to me. ^_^ ))  
  
NAitS2: Okay, shutting up and stopping the Shameless Self-Promotion (tm)!   
  
NAitS1&2: Gomen, minna!!  
  
**The projection flips up (ensnaring the two apologizing chibi authors and taking them with it) to reveal a real-time Miko, in the same position as her frozen picture, and the scene continues as if nothing happened.**  
  
*~*~*~*~*  
  
Suddenly, a slight smile formed on Miko's face, and Tasuki looked around him; everyone but himself was completely mesmerized by the spectacular light show... put into some sort of trance. A little alarmed, he looked to Miko again... and started when he saw streams of multi-colored light rising from her fingers and traveling to the pokèmon seishi, like smoke from an extinguished candle being guided through the air. They closed their eyes just as he had, and the instant the light touched their foreheads, their entire bodies glowed with their individual pokèmonic colors: Hotohori and Nuriko blue, Mitsukake brown, Chiriko magenta, Tamahome clear, Miaka pink (for her inner spirit was too strong, and overrode the Normal "clear" color), and Kouji green. As he watched his best friend shimmer in the beautiful grass-colored light, Tasuki found himself wishing he had seen the red he must have been glowing when it happened to him.  
  
Then it was done, and Tasuki smiled as he watched his friends gaze around with bewildered eyes. Kouji looked at him in shock.  
  
"G... Genrou, what the hell was that?!"  
  
He grinned. "That, my amigo, was Self-Awareness 101. According to the Miko, you kick ass right about now."  
  
"You'll need to," Miko pointed out. "Very, very soon."  
  
All heads turned to her. "How soon?" Tamahome asked suspiciously.  
  
"Hmm..." she said, giving THAT SMILE of hers, and she trailed off. Tasuki suddenly felt a great sense of foreboding.  
  
And the Eastern wall of Konan palace exploded.   
  
General mayhem and panic ensued from the ear-wreaking, room-shaking blast as dust and debris erupted into the air. Not only that, but there was an unnatural rumbling of footsteps as the ground shook violently. While the others all had a good weight and were able to hold their ground as it shook, Tasuki, along with the rest of the lightweights, was having extreme problems. At first, of course, he had felt a wave of worry over his priestess and the other warriors... but soon he just worried about his own balance. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Bulba-Kouji tip over and begin to boing up and down on his rubber-bubble booty, and then he picked up speed and broke into an unsteady roll, eventually smooshing into a wall. Tasuki began to lose his own balance, and a few moments later, he found himself on the ground as well, uncontrollably rolling towards and eventually smashing into his buddy. Just as he began to stand up again, he looked up just in time to see Meowth-Tamahome smush him... and then a pink blob of a Chichiri finished the lightweight jumble. The four lay, their chubby, kawaii limbs tangled together, helplessly smooshed against a wall.   
  
He was bitterly sure Miko was getting a kick out of this.  
  
But suddenly, as the rumbling got louder and the shakes more ridiculously exaggerated, Chansey-Miaka screamed so loud and so shrill:   
  
"CHANSEYCHANSEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEYYYYYYYYYYY!!"   
** Hint: It starts with a "T" and ends in an "amahome" **  
  
... that Tasuki became VERY worried about the Priestess' safety. He twisted around to see Miko's face contort into an expression of annoyance and pain, and could almost sense the thought:  
  
**Remove Miaka's voice box.**  
  
Before anyone could do anything to protect Miaka, the scream cut off. A look of pure horror spread across her face, and Tasuki silently cursed Miko as he saw the pain reflected in the loquacious priestess' face. But suddenly his anger was overridden by fear as Miaka's giant, pink, blubbery egg-body bound up at a dangerous speed to the bishie-tangle. But somehow she slowed down before crushing them, and she reached down, pulled Tamahome out of them, and hugged him so freakin-ass hard that his eyes and cheeks bulged out to the size of volleyballs, he turned an unhealthy shade of blue, and his scrawny little arms and legs waved around in sheer panic.   
  
As much as Tasuki was angry at Miko right now, he was worried Tamahome was going to suffocate, so he appealed to her. "Miko, change her back! She's gonna kill Tama, for chrissake!"  
  
Tasuki could see that Miko actually liked Tamahome, so he breathed a sigh of relief. She gave a small glare in Miaka's direction, who promptly let out the high-pitched scream her open mouth would have been emitting all that time. Upon hearing the sound, a surprised Miaka dropped Tamahome (who desperately gasped for oxygen), and Miko and the others grimaced... Tasuki thought for a moment that it wouldn't be THAT bad if Miaka was voiceless for a while. But luckily, Miaka seemed to be appeased just from knowing her voice was back and, doing the smart thing, cut off and remained silent. Tasuki thanked whoever was listening up there for that... if she had kept screaming, Miko might have done something *really* nasty to her.  
  
Finally, things settled down, and when the dust settled... eight new pokèmon stood in the rubble.   
  
They looked rather agitated.  
  
*~*~*~*~*  
  
NAitS1: That's your cue.  
  
NAitS2: **grins evilly**  
  
*~*~*~*~*  
  
*Who are they?* Tasuki thought. *No, I know who. They must be the Seryuu. There's no other explanation! Sure as hell, there's the right number for all seven and a priestess... besides, their arrival is perfectly timed with that woman's SMILE of hers...*  
  
He growled as his eyes perused his enemies... until a sudden burst of hysterical laughter startled him. As he turned to the source, he saw it to be Miko... she was chibi on the ground, her legs kicking in a blur and the ground being abused by her pounding chibi fists, tears bursting out of her face.  
  
Along with the others he stared at her, and he noticed the sweat drops coming from his side... and the pop marks growing on the other.  
  
Finally, Miko managed to calm down to the point where she could speak:  
  
"Na... na... na... na... NAKAPUFF!!!"  
  
...And then it started all over again.   
  
Just as Tasuki (and the readers) began to think that Miko had finally, utterly, COMPLETELY lost it, there was another powerful flash of white light. Tasuki desperately covered his eyes as best he could with his short arms.  
  
**This is the same light Miko caused when she came here!** Tasuki thought.  
  
When it had died down and he could finally see, he saw two things Miko, still on the ground laughing helplessly as if nothing had happened... and another mysterious young woman standing right next to her, fists on her hips, looking down on her in a scolding manner. He stared.  
  
She was shorter than Miko, but not by that much... and unlike Miko's short, so-dark-brown-it's-almost-black hair, hers was a light, dirty-blonde color, and was pulled back into a braid that fell all the way down to her lower back. She wore a gray-white t-shirt with Princess Mononoke wolves all over it, black dance-tights, a blue bandanna, and an elaborate amulet that almost reached her stomach. As a prop, she had a light-blue cloth satchel resting on her hip, its black strap slung across the opposite shoulder.  
  
**Another author,** Tasuki thought, his eyes growing even wider. What is she doing here? Is this a co-write now? He prayed to the gods she wasn't as crazy as Miko. He didn't know if he could survive that...  
  
After looking at Miko a little more, the new author calmly reached into her satchel, pulled out a giant mallet, and in one, effortless motion of the arm, smashed Miko's head into the ground... so hard, in fact, that Miko was sticking upside down out of the land, buried to her shoulders.   
  
Tasuki's eyes bulged at the scene as Miko twitched.   
  
After a while, Miko began frantically waving her arms and kicking her legs in the air... and after that, her feet found the earth again and her hands pressed against the ground. In one motion, she pushed with all four of her limbs... and out popped a very mad, very BLONDE Miko head. She flung her head to the sky and yelled so loud all that could be seen of her new head was her screaming mouth.   
  
"ADAKIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!"  
  
The ground rumbled, and beyond all the shock Tasuki was feeling, he began to get nervous. Something had definitely changed about the Miko, and it was more than her hair color... and whatever it was, it made him extremely uncomfortable, and his warning senses were going off like mad.  
  
...What had happened to her?   
  
"Yes?" The addressed answered, as if she was used to this happening. Miko finally put her face down, revealing her extremely pissed-off face and glistening green eyes that cut into Tasuki like a knife through air... and she wasn't even looking at him.  
  
"I AM GOING TO KILL YOU!!!!"  
  
Smiling, Adakie pulled out a scroll covered with tally marks and added a notch. "That's the 480,235th time you've said that to me."  
  
"I mean it this time."  
  
Apparently she didn't, because her hair, eyes, and muscles reverted to their normal state. Tasuki breathed an inward sigh of relief, but still stared at her and the other in disbelief.  
  
Adakie grinned. "Well, I wouldn't have to hit you if you'd control yourself!"  
  
"You're asking the impossible."  
  
"Yeah, I kn..."  
  
She cut off; apparently she had just become aware of the entire pokèmon roster staring at them with bewildered eyes. Miko followed her gaze, and remembered what they were supposed to be doing.  
  
"Oh. Right. The fic. Must stay on topic."  
  
"W... what the hell was that?!" Tasuki yelled, stunned. "Where did all that power come from?! E... Even for authors, that couldn't have been normal!!"  
  
Adakie sighed. "Miko is not normal."  
  
"Nope," Miko grinned. "ANYWAY, since the Suzaku are being so rude, I'd like to take this opportunity to welcome the Seryuu to Conan."  
  
The focus switched VERY quickly from the authors to the new arrivals. Lightning bolts spewed forth between the Suzaku and Seryuu.   
  
"Goddamned bitch. Doesn't she know this could mean the end of us all?!" Tasuki growled angrily to himself.  
  
"Annnnnnd, I'd like to welcome Adakie, who volunteered to serve as trainer for the Seryuu!" he heard her say.  
  
"Hi, I'm Adakie, another author that Miko let in her fic!" a chibi Adakie waved.   
  
Tasuki glanced towards her, but then focused on glaring at the Seryuu again.  
  
**Adakie? Sounds familiar, but anyway. We are in DEEP shit! I don't know about the others, but Miko told ME that some pokèmon can't damage others. What are we supposed to do about that?**   
  
"Um, hello? I'm an all-powerful author too. I'll be..."  
  
**Of course, some of these don't look too harmful... but not all of us are worth a whole lot when it comes to battle... dittos can't fight that great, and can't we only use six?**   
  
"PAY ATTENTION TO MEEE!!!" Adakie hollered, yoryoku* bursting from her being while silvery-blue light whipped around her. That got Tasuki's... and the others'... attention, and they stared at her nervously. Would she transform somehow, like Miko did? If so, that weird feeling that made them so uncomfortable would surface again, and who knows what would happen...  
  
After had gotten her breath, she finally said...  
  
"... hi!" ^_^v  
  
They all fell over.  
  
Miko got up and dusted herself off. "Well, I guess I'll introduce you..."  
  
She grinned, and looked over at Tasuki. He stared at her, not understanding... but then it clicked, and he calmed down.  
  
They were just as nervous as he was. Odds are they didn't even know how they got here! And some of them might be just as weak as some on his side. Plus, Miko had said this was a humor fic, so that meant no deaths... and after all, she WAS an author, so she could control them if things got out of hand.  
  
He had been looking over the pokèmon in front of him, and now he wanted desperately to know who was who...  
  
*******************  
  
* yoryoku: it's a YuYu Hakusho reference. Yoryoku is the term for chi/ki used when it comes to demons and youko of the Makai (demon world).   
  
Eheh, this is running a bit long, so I'm dividing it into two parts. ^_^;; So, the NEXT chapter will have the long-awaited explanations of what the heck the Seryuu are!! (although I think some of you have figured out what I did to my dear Nakago already...) Plus, we find out WHY Adakie rings a bell for Tasuki, AND why she's even in my fic in the FIRST place! So keep checking for updates!   
  
BECAUSE EXAMS ARE OVER!!  
  
MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA!!  
  
  
  



End file.
